National "Annoy Your Spouse Day"

Face it; if you're married, you're already engaged in annoying your spouse. A national holiday with a paid day off (I think a Friday would be nice) is the logical
next step.

I can hear some of you objecting (ya bunch of Goody-Two-Shoes): I never annoy my
spouse, we have a wonderful relationship. Right.

Trust me, you ANNOY the pee-waddly-dee out of your spouse. Especially you men. Why, guys, just the fact that you are male irritates the fire out of your wife. Honestly, if someone told little girls about what rotters we men really are, they wouldn't have all this romantic clap-trap rattling around in their little heads about 'Prince Charming' and 'happy-ever-after' and all that other revolting junk. Think they'd marry you then, boy? I seriously doubt it.

As for you ladies. Honestly, we have to annoy you so we can stand to be around you. Not that we think you're being unreasonable in expecting us to indulge your whims. But to believe we should drop whatever extremely important activity we're involved in to cater to you instantly? Come, come. You must be joking.

It really is a wonder, isn't it, that any of us is able to remain married longer than a week or so. You wanna know how we do it? Every married person in America takes a perverse pleasure in annoying his/her spouse! Admit it! You know you do!!!

So let's declare a holiday. Let's openly and honestly indulge in what we should admit to be our national pastime. Just do it. You owe it to your marriage.