The wind blows where it wishes... -John 3:8a
Umm, so really I'm not in control. And therein lies the issue.
Looking back on my infidel life, there was the unconscious desire for control. I know this because a loved one once called me a control freak.
Now it has long been a part of my self-image that I am a cool, laid-back sort of guy. What lies we tell ourselves!
So God really is in control. Of everything. The more I know and understand about His sovereignty, the more I embrace this.
Or that's what I thought.
In John Owen's little book, The Mortification of Sin, there is a chapter on "A Tender Conscience and a Watchful Heart." In it Owen counsels us to "consider whether the trouble that you are perplexed with is related to your particular make-up and nature."
So the "good" spoken of in Romans 8:28 can refer to a revealing, through trials and testings, of the deep, subconscious roots of besetting sins.
It is one thing to recognize and affirm a scriptural truth, but quite another to really, truly embrace it and apply it.
It is possible also to be aware of the devil's schemes, without perceiving the deceit in our own hearts.
The conclusion of the matter is this: there is still within me that which desires, however illogically from an eternal perspective, my own will to be done rather than my Heavenly Father's.
And this must be nailed to Christ's cross.